Last night I went to bed in a bad mood. This morning, I woke up in a bad mood. I found out yesterday that I am failing my spanish class. I completely panicked. Things have just been rough on me lately and I am trying to figure out how to get out of this rut. I have started seeing a counselor and that has helped me so much. But I have only gone twice. I feel like school is what is bringing me down. I don't enjoy it very much. My classes are boring and I don't like my teachers. Maybe that is the problem though, I say don't way too much. I think I need a serious attitude check. I let too many things piss me off and thats definitely not working for me. Right now, I feel like I don't have the support I need from anyone so I need to do this on my own. No one can change my attitude for me, I gotta do this by myself. I do this thing where I try and run from my problems, but that has not been working out for me. I avoid and avoid and avoid until it slaps me in the face and I'm back on my butt. Telling me to stop running doesn't help. Telling me that I need to change doesn't help. Telling me how great I used to be doesn't help. I can't go back to where I was, I can only move forward and become even better than who I was. Stop trying to help me when you know you can't. The only one that can help me now is God and I pray and pray that He will hear my cries and tell me what to do with my life. I don't understand what my life is worth and I am always one step away from giving up. I know I can come back, but this road has bruised me and cut me more than I could have ever imagined. People always say, "You can do hard things." I am trying so hard to believe that right now. The more I pray and the more I drop to my knees, I think I will find my path. The process is quite the downer, but hopefully I can get there before it is too late. I cry out for help but the only way to be heard is to cry out when on my knees with my arms folded; my cry is sent to Heaven because that is the only place I know is listening. I can do hard things, but only when I start on my knees. Some say you have to hit rock bottom to climb to your potential. I think I have found my rock bottom and it is time to start climbing. Watch me make it.
