Wrapped in His Love

Suffocating in the darkness of my mistakes.

Trapped inside my own self-doubt.

The voice in my head screams unworthiness.

"Not good enough, not worth His love"

I broke down and it ripped open my heart.

Expecting emptiness to overtake me, I fell to the floor.

When instead, I felt His divine embrace.

At first I choke, trying to comprehend.

A waterfall of compassion splashes through my soul.

And I run head on into a wall of understanding.

He loved me all along, and the realization sets in.

It doesn't matter my mistakes, He is my Savior,
                                                       my God,
                                                       my King.

I feel His arms surround me and I know, I know I am never alone.

There is a Difference, I promise.

So I write a missionary. No, not the mish I blogged about AGES ago, he kinda fell through...haha he basically handed me off to someone else. But you know what, its actually better! Because that someone else is adorable and he is coming to BYU in the fall! :) So anyway. I write him sometimes, but that isn't what I'm talking about. The boy I tell people is my missionary, is Dallin Parker. Oh he is quite the sweetheart. We have written 13 letters so far its about one letter every week and a halfish. Anyway, after a few letters, instead of just saying "miss you" he started saying "miss you and love you". THEN last letter, he wrote I miss you and I love you. The "I" is the difference. The HUGE difference. I'm not reading too much into this am I? My mom says its a big deal.

Gimpy

So surgery is kind of a downer. But I guess you could say there are some perks! Haha I've done nothing but lay on the couch and watch whatever movies I want for ummm almost five days! Its relaxing. But ya gettin kinda bored!! Good news though, I am heading back to P town tomorrow night! I'm really excited to see Amanda I've totally missed her! I'm kinda nervous about the whole crutches on campus situation...but I think I'll figure it out! Surgery actually went really well this time around! Usually I get super sick from the anesthesia but I actually wasn't when I woke up! It still took me forever to wake up but at least I wasn't sick. Not until we got me in the wheelchair at least haha and then I sorta screamed the whole way out of the hospital which is really quite embarrassing considering we were at Primary Children's and I probably freaked a lot of kids out...oh well I don't really remember it so I guess I can pretend it didn't happen. I also didn't have any needle trauma this time because I made it very clear to the anesthesiologist that I would not let anyone near me with a needle unless I was at least a little sedated. So he decided to just have me walk with him back to the operating room where he gave me laughing gas until I was passed out and then he gave me the IV. Which was perfect! All in all it went well as far as surgeries go which is definitely a blessing :) However we did have a lil mishap when I got home thursday night. Because they gave my leg a nerve block. Which basically means they paralyzed my leg for about 24 hours. We obviously didn't take the doctor seriously enough when he said not to put me in any situation that might make my body try using my leg or else I would collapse...that happened. When we tried to get me into the bathroom when we first got home everything was going well until I lost my balance and my body naturally tried using my right leg to regain balance but turns out, that leg was completely useless just like the doctor said so I collapsed just like the doctor said I would. It was terrifying at the time but now I can laugh about it cuz turns out, I peed all over the floor. Pretty interesting weekend but I'm looking forward to hopefully a speedy recovery :)