Grandma Hips at 18? Say What?

So basically. I got hip surgery Sept 20 2010. I got it because I had been in pain 24/7 for about a year and a half. Yup that sucked. So we finally figured out what was wrong which was that my hips are genetically shaped wrong so they had to shave off some bone and stitch up my tissue that had been torn cuz of my retarded bone. I was on crutches for a month but couldn't really do much until januaryish. So I only got to ski four times. THATS IT. It was rough. So obviously I have been extremely excited for this ski season! BUT. Guess what. My hip is constantly in pain again. Just like before surgery. EFFFFFF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!! So next week I am probably getting a cortizone shot and then I will most likely have to get surgery again. I might murder someone so watch out.

Still Playing Catch Up

Ok there's more. Last Tuesday me and Amy went on a double date with Ryan (her missionary who just got home) and Cody (this boy that I can't freaking get over and nobody knows why). It was way fun! We went bowling! Cody kinda sucks haha...but I'm not that great either so it was fine.

Last Wednesday me and Holdy got to go skiing!!! Sooooooo great:)

Thanksgiving was awesome we got Ian almost the whole week it felt like which was AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!

It was a way fun thanksgiving:) 

Playing Catch Up

So basically I have kind of sucked at blogging lately sooo I think I'm just gonna post some pics to update.

On Friday Nov 18 I went to the Lone Peak football game. It was the state championship. They had an undefeated season and won the championship. Awesome that it was a year after I graduate but whatev still happy :) I went with Holden and our friend Hunter Trowbridge. Crystal was also there and sat with us for a bit.

Oh ps before the game, me and Crystal and Amy went to the midnight of Breaking Dawn!!

After the Lone Peak game, Rick and Rachelle came and picked me up and we headed to Idaho to visit the Footes for Max's state championship game. They ended up losing but I really just went so I could see Mason:)

Time for a Break

Wow. Freaking wow. It has been too long since we had a break from school. BYU for some strange reason does not do a fall break. So there are no breaks until thanksgiving! Thats wayyyyyy too long. Next week is thanksgiving, and I feel like everyone around here is just about to explode. I know I am. Me and Whit got in a lil argument last night and I know its cuz everyone is just in terrible moods cuz everyone is super stressed out. We all just needa chill, honestly. Myself included! I just needa go skiing. Once I go skiing, I will feel better. I just need that fresh mountain, snowy air in my system!! I NEED IT NOW!! haha I am freaking out I am so excited to ski. Also, today I realized how badly I really need to visit Europe. I gotta start figuring out study abroad so I can get my ass out there!! We will see what happens:)

Vent sesh deleted.

My Freedom

I love the Mountains,
Its where I'm free.

Thats where my heart is,
Thats where you'll find me.

Fresh air,
Open air.

I feel close to my God,
I feel worth it.

Take me back,
To the Mountains.

If You Do This...We Can't Be Friends.

Thanksgiving is its own holiday. It is actually a pretty damn big holiday too! So WHY ON EARTH are there any people in this country that skip it. I do not understand. Christmas is obviously the best holiday and everyone looks forward to it after Halloween is over, but what about Thanksgiving? Can't you wait to put up Christmas decorations until its over?? Its only a few more weeks! And then there is less time to get annoyed of Christmas songs so obviously you'll enjoy it more! I honestly can't stand it when people just skip right over Thanksgiving, when I have kids, they are going to be just as crazy as their mama and they will yell at people who hum Christmas songs before Thanksgiving, and especially people who turn their Christmas lights on, put up their trees, and put decorations all around their house. BEFORE Thanksgiving has even happened. So when I get married... my husband better agree with me.

Motivation

I'm in a funk. Thats what my dad called it. We had a good chat the other day about being in a funk. It doesn't mean you can stop. I'm having a hard time, but I'm still me and I'm still strong. That should be motivation enough to keep going. I am still me. I have gone through some nasty shit lately but its for my own good. I know its making me a better person. Life is hard but DUH. Ya its hard but you keep going anyway. Thats just the way it is. I've found some new motivation. We will see how long this one lasts. 

BY THE WAY. Total side note. Boys with earrings? Kinda gross. Just saying.

Reunited

So uh my best bud CJ left for a week to California. And so did Amy. And so did Whitney. I didn't even know what to do with myself. So I went to Park City and Lagoon with my family. But guess what! Me, CJ and Whitney have been reunited.

CUTE KIDS:) 

This is my fam bam at Lagoon

AND this is me and Amy the day she left for California:(

Ridin Solo

I have come to several realizations this past weekend. Number one, I am worth it and if he can't see that, then he isn't. I don't even know the other ones, this is just the most important one. I am really proud of myself at the moment because this past weekend James did exactly what he has been doing on and off for the past few weeks which is mess with my emotions. He calls me when he wants to be with me, but when I call him and want to hangout, or I need him, he isn't around and he was "busy". So this weekend was the LAST FUCKING STRAW. I'm done. I have never been strong enough for that before, but I am this time. I know that he is not worth it because I finally remember that I am worth the time and the effort and if he isn't going to put that time and effort in, SEE YA, I'm over it. Well, I mean I'm not over it exactly...but I know its the right thing to do to not talk to him anymore. The hard part is, I know he really does need me around, but he hasn't really realized how much yet and when that comes, I hope he realizes he just missed out big time. I know I am gonna be ok, even without the boy I thought was perfect, because as long as I have a relationship with my Heavenly Father (which I'm working really hard on) I'm gonna be ok :) Missionary letters definitely help too;)

By the way, I'm not really engaged. That was all made up. Someone believed it cuz me and James told someone that and they thought we were serious...so I bought a $5 ring so it seemed real. NOT ENGAGED.

What Every Party Girl Needs

DRY SHAMPOO. Best thing ever. Amy just leaves a can in her car so that way, when we are on our way to 80s, or wherever, we can always shampoo our hair real quick if it looks dirty! This is an example from this thursday night...

perfect.

This thursday was also Miss Jentri White's first time at 80s!! Soooo glad she came with us, we had a blast. 

loooove these girls:)

Why Can't You Read My Mind?

Boys think its a problem, but really its just a fact of life. Girls want boys to read their mind. You know what, it isn't that hard. Girls are always the same. The code is easy to figure out. "I'm not mad" means "You better make up for it right this second." "i'm cold" means "please hold me". "I miss you" means "come see me now". "i had really hard day" means "make it better". "don't call me later." means "call me before I freak out." "hope you have fun" means "hope your night sucks without me" and there are so many more, but they are always the same. So just learn them, and you'll be alright:)

Honesty

Honesty is all I ever ask for. I'm not blogging about this because of any specific event that has happened recently, I just want to blog about how important honesty is to me, and to most people. Obviously I haven't been 100% honesty my whole life, but who has? No one. It doesn't happen. But we can do our absolute very best, and we should never ever lie to the people we love. Boys should never lie to girls, and girls should never lie to boys. Sometimes the truth hurts, but its easier to get over the truth one time then to try to get over a thousand lies. Don't feed me shit just because you know the truth will hurt me, I am a big girl and I can handle it. If you think the person you are going to lie to can't handle it, they need to learn sometime. Its always better to be honest, and thats something I still tell myself. Honesty is something we all work on for our entire life, its one of our tests so treat it like one. Don't lie to me. 

Reminder

EVERY 
             little
    t.h.i.n.g.
   is gonna be ALRIGHT:)

Rough Day

Last night I went to bed in a bad mood. This morning, I woke up in a bad mood. I found out yesterday that I am failing my spanish class. I completely panicked. Things have just been rough on me lately and I am trying to figure out how to get out of this rut. I have started seeing a counselor and that has helped me so much. But I have only gone twice. I feel like school is what is bringing me down. I don't enjoy it very much. My classes are boring and I don't like my teachers. Maybe that is the problem though, I say don't way too much. I think I need a serious attitude check. I let too many things piss me off and thats definitely not working for me. Right now, I feel like I don't have the support I need from anyone so I need to do this on my own. No one can change my attitude for me, I gotta do this by myself. I do this thing where I try and run from my problems, but that has not been working out for me. I avoid and avoid and avoid until it slaps me in the face and I'm back on my butt. Telling me to stop running doesn't help. Telling me that I need to change doesn't help. Telling me how great I used to be doesn't help. I can't go back to where I was, I can only move forward and become even better than who I was. Stop trying to help me when you know you can't. The only one that can help me now is God and I pray and pray that He will hear my cries and tell me what to do with my life. I don't understand what my life is worth and I am always one step away from giving up. I know I can come back, but this road has bruised me and cut me more than I could have ever imagined. People always say, "You can do hard things." I am trying so hard to believe that right now. The more I pray and the more I drop to my knees, I think I will find my path. The process is quite the downer, but hopefully I can get there before it is too late. I cry out for help but the only way to be heard is to cry out when on my knees with my arms folded; my cry is sent to Heaven because that is the only place I know is listening. I can do hard things, but only when I start on my knees. Some say you have to hit rock bottom to climb to your potential. I think I have found my rock bottom and it is time to start climbing. Watch me make it. 

Fam Bam

I love my family. I fight a lot with my mom, but I will always love her and I know how much she loves me. I love how close my extended family is as well. I just felt like showing some appreciation for my family this morning so I wanted to post some good pictures of us.

This is pretty much my whole mom's side of the family.

 

engaged? what?

Yep...look at that! Engaged. Weird right? Well here is the story. Laying on his tramp just chatting about anything and everything. I start talking about how impatient I am, then we start talking about how every time we have hung out, EVERY SINGLE TIME, there has been a shooting star. Then, we see one. And bam hes on one knee and now engaged. Just like a movie? Ya, I think so too. 

Support

Everyone needs a support system. I know I sure do. I have many people that support me and I have no idea where I would be without it. Sometimes I like to try and do everything on my own and thats when I get knocked down over and over again until I can finally admit that I was wrong and I need help. That is exactly what happened to me this summer. I was in a terrible place and good friends is what pulled me out. Admitting we need help is one of the hardest things we could ever do but its so important.

80s Errry thursday with Amy!

Me and Amy have a big tradition. Every Thursday night we go to Area 51 to go 80s dancing. It really is my release for the week and I love it! Of course we take a million pictures every time and I think our pics are really the only way to describe it:)

So much fun! I'm sure there will be more and more pics cuz we really do go every week:)

5am Because We are That Good of Friends

Don't we just look adorable? Its the morning, don't judge. Sometimes, Amy likes to come over at like 6am just so we can hangout a little before classes and such. Today, we fell asleep on the couch for a few hours and finally woke up. Pretty sure it bugs my roommates, but do I care? Obviously not. Amy is my best friend and if she wants to come over then duh shes comin over! Thats true friendship right thurr. 

My Baby Brother

My baby brother Ian. An amazing kid. We used to fight a lot, when we were younger. And when I say younger, I mean up until about six months ago. The thing is, I used to be uptight and kind of a bitch. But then, I found out Ian was struggling with drugs. It took me awhile, but I realized how much he really needed me. In about May, we started to be really close. Then in the summer, we started partying together, which brought us even closer. We still fought, but I am so thankful for how close we became. It happened for the wrong reasons, but either way its going to important that it happened for the rest of our lives. Two days before I moved down here to Provo, Ian was picked up for rehab. I know it is the right thing, but its killing me. I miss him so much. Every time something funny happens, or I go out with a new boy, or anything. I just want to tell my brother. But I can't. But I'm dealing with it. Especially now that I have been sober for about a month, I've found the right way to deal with it and we are getting even closer. I get to see him every Thursday night and we get to talk for a few short minutes with our whole family. He is doing so well and Thursdays have become the longest days ever waiting until its time to leave for life line. Because it is a Thursday and I'm thinking about it a lot, I decided I would post some pictures and memories. 

This is from a time in the summer when I took Ian and our other brother Holden to trafalga. It was raining like hell so all we did was play a round of glow golf. It was a lot of fun to be with just my siblings for a few hours.

Kid Cudi concert! Woo it was unreal. We had a way good time. 

July 4th me and Ian spent most of the night wandering around PG taking hilarious pictures and freaking people out. Ian found this giant tree branch and put it through his shirt and stuck it in the back of his pants. It was soooo funny the looks we got. I also had a not as big branch that I just carried around and pointed at people with. 

Cree and Jessica's wedding. We were a bridesmaid and groomsmen. This night we became way close. It is a fun memory. We danced like idiots and ate bites off a bunch of random pieces of cake.

I miss him every single day and he is always on my mind. I can't wait until he gets to start coming home a few days a week. I am so thankful he is my brother and I am so proud of him. I love you Ian <3