Don't Give Up

Everyone is always telling me, don't give up. No matter how hard things get, don't give up. Well, I am at the point where I want to say FUCK that and give up. Everything that makes me happy for like two seconds, gets taken right out from under me as soon as I admit I'm happy. Spanish class is going to be the death of me and I am buried under way too much make up work to even want to attempt the work. I am tired all the time and I hate getting out of bed. I never know what I want to eat and if I do, its unhealthy and expensive. I am tired of riding my bike to class. I am tired of being surrounded by self righteous people that judge me before they even know my name. My roommates are driving me crazy. There is always dirty dishes everywhere and they think they are my mom. Every guy I ever meet turns out to be a douche bag. Why are jerks the only guys I fall for or the only guys that I attract!? I need to figure this out because my heart is in pieces and if it breaks one more time, I won't ever be able to have feelings again. Remember James? Yep, not worth it. I finally opened up to a guy. After dating an abusive ass hole for a year and a half and then being used over and over again by different guys, I finally opened up to a new guy and fell for him. Hard. But of course I have to get hurt. Now I feel like I'm left with nothing and I can't deal with this ever again. I'm not dating another guy until Brayden comes home, this pain isn't worth it. But wait, I'm not supposed to give up right? How the hell am I supposed to keep going? I'll figure it out. Because that is the whole reason we are here, to figure it out. Get hurt, be happy, feel pain, but overcome it. When life gets to hard to stand, kneel. I am falling to my knees ready for answers. I won't give up but its going to be damn hard not to. Thank heavens for Amy, missionary letters, and prayer.